Daddy issues and addiction

It's hard to try and compact your life story into one blog post. I could type up a huge long novel hoping to keep readers attention, but that isn't the reality of it. So what I think I will do, is just break it up into several postings and go from there. I had an intense heart to heart with my mom the other day, it may not have been intense for her, but it certainly was for me.

It all started a couple days before that, when I was laying in bed ( thanks to a slight case of insomnia) and I really started thinking about what makes me tick, what makes me do or not do for that matter, everything, and I believe it all boils down to two things: Daddy issues and Addiction.

I am starting this series of blogs because I need to let go. I need to let go of everything that is holding me back, and not letting me be the person I want to be, let go of every nasty thing someone has said or done to me, let go of all the negative. I don't want you to think this is a pity party, because for me it isn't. This is my way of letting go. You either want to read or you don't, and I understand that.

I'm not really sure on where or how to start, because it is all a maze of things connecting in different ways that lead in different directions but ultimately ending in the same spot. I suppose I will start with my earliest memories........

I was never aware that something was different with my family until the age of about 5. How lucky we are to be young and oblivious. My first memory of Darryl is one of the few happy ones, I don't remember everything from that very first visit since I was only 5, but what I do remember is vivid. My mom was there, we were at McDonald's and it was different than the other McDonald's I had been in, it was like a train, and it had a gift shop. Meeting my 'daddy' was so exciting, he gave me a big hug and a little present. A pink pencil with a little pink bear charm that hung off of where the eraser would have been. From that point it gets fuzzy, maybe because I just honestly don't remember or maybe because I've blocked it out. I can only describe the memory from that very first encounter ( first that I remember anyway) as short and sweet. Later in my life I was told that on the drive home with my mom and grandpa, my grandpa asked me what I thought of my daddy, to which I replied...."I have the best daddy in the world" Little did I know what the best daddy in the world would actually do to my emotional health and stability later on in my life.

I didn't see him or remember any phone calls from him until about 6, when I received a birthday gift in the mail from him. It was a pair of jeans about 2 feet too long for me and a little set of bubble bath and lotion, which I didn't use, not because I didn't like it but because it was a treasure. I kept the jeans for as long as I could, until one day they were gone. I don't think my mom or grandma ( I don't know which one) got rid of the jeans for malicious reasons but simply because I couldn't wear them. I received and made maybe a handful of calls after that with Darryl. One of which was to inform me that I had a sister. Boy was that weird for a 6 year old. At that age I was confused as to HOW I actually had a sister when my mommy didn't bring home any baby. Of course, it was explained to me what that meant and I was over the moon! I was an only child until that point and all of my friends had brothers and sisters, to me it was the best news a girl could get! I couldn't wait to meet my little sister.........that didn't happen until I was much older.

The phone calls became increasingly fewer and farther in between, until I was 8. My mom told me after school one day that we would be going to see Darryl and my other family members in Oklahoma for a vacation. School wasn't out for me yet, so I had to do school work on our little vacation. On an airplane with school work and mom in tow, I was excited once again to see my daddy. From the moment we arrived until the day we left, was nothing but fun. I met my cousins, and we did everything together. There were trips to the zoo and a children's museum. Those were fun, but the absolute BEST memories from that trip were of spending time with my daddy, and having so much fun sitting around my Aunt's house while the grown ups would play their instruments and sing songs. Something out of a movie really. All the while being oblivious to what was happening between my mom and Darryl. When we got ready to come home, I didn't want to leave all of that, I didn't want to leave my daddy and this new found family life and all of the fishing and playing and music. Brings me to tears even now....but for completely different reasons than that of an 8 year old. I had the most wonderful life at home in California with my mom and my Grandma and Grandpa, but this was different....this was new.....this was what I had been missing, but didn't know it until it was in my lap. Sad really that an 8 year old would realize something like this.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I am told that my mom and Darryl were going to take a stab at getting back together and in order for this to work, we had to move to Oklahoma. I was so torn. I wanted that life, I wanted to be a family, I wanted to be with my cousins and do all of those fun things, but I didn't want to leave my grandparents, my school and my friends. At 8 I didn't have a choice obviously and away we went. The day we left in the U-haul is a memory that is burned into my brain ......I had a plastic bag with cassette tapes and my walk man in it, and a few other things to keep me busy during our 2 day drive, but that isn't what sticks out most.....it was watching my grandparents cry. Had I known what was going to happen....I would have lied, cheated and stole to stay with them. To say I had a close bond with my grandparents is really an understatement, and to this day I really can't fully describe it.

When we got to Oklahoma, we stayed at my aunt and uncles house until we got our own house. It all started just as our vacation did, amazing. This was it, this was finally my time.....we went fishing, I started Cheer leading, we had those family music nights, just as before. I wanted to go to the same school as my cousins, but couldn't. I had to ride a bus to my school that seemed like it was on the other side of the planet! In reality it was probably 2-5 miles from my house. My aunt was a crossing guard at my bus stop and everyday after school I would see her, and my cousins. She would make deals with my cousin and I, that if we got A's on our spelling tests or report cards she would give us a reward. This was really the beginning of the end I just didn't know it yet. When we moved into our own house, I started to see less and less of my daddy and I had no clue as to what was going on, I was enjoying everything else, so why would I see it?

One day after school, Darryl was supposed to pick me up at the bus stop. When I got off the bus I went over to my aunt, as I did every day and she told me my dad wasn't there yet, mind you my house was easily only two blocks from my stop, but I was 8 and it was a new place. I wasn't sure how to get home walking by myself there. After waiting what seemed to be an eternity for Darryl to come get me, my cousin Candy drove up and offered to take me home. We pull up in front of my house, the garage door is open, the car is in the driveway. Well, at least he was home right?? Candy walked me up to the door , it was locked. She knocked for far too long and then tried the door in the garage, thankfully it was open because the front door would have never been answered because Darryl was 'asleep' on the couch. Yeah he was passed completely out from drinking all day, there was no getting him up. I ended up going to my aunts house until my mom got off work. This was when i realized something was wrong.

Darryl is an Alcoholic and always has been. The drinking just got worse from there, and never stopped. Christmas is here I am on an airplane going home to California to see my grandparents. Again later I found out that my mom wanted to leave me there because she had already seen where their short reunion was heading. Darryl said no, that I needed to come back to Oklahoma and be a family. A few weeks later I got home from school went to my aunts house ( this became the regular since Darryl was either 'working' or at home drinking) to find my mom home from work early. We were going home to California. Again...later I was told that he left my moms car at her job, with a note. The note said something along the lines of " I didn't want it to end this way, tell Jenny I love her" nice huh?? My daddy was gone, and so was my new family life.

Ice Cream scoop phone

I'm sitting at my kitchen table listening to music and watching Jackson be a complete goof ball. Everyday is an adventure with this little creature! Right now he is sitting on his MACK Truck with trailer power wheels and using an ice cream scoop to have the most interesting conversation ever. Now a days he seems to use everything as a 'phone' and it always cracks me up.

Now that I have my mommy mush moment out of the way, the reason I sat down to attempt at writing anything down is because I heard a song that I like and it made me think of all the times in my life where it seems that music has made me feel a certain way. I have always loved music, and have always had what others would describe as eclectic ( however I would describe it as diverse) taste in music. I have an affinity for Classic Rock and 80's music.....please keep the laughter to a minimum. When someone asks me what my 'all time favorite' band is, I honestly can't answer that because I have so many favorites!

There are so many songs that touch me actually, and I think it is a combination of the lyrics and the person/people singing it. So I figured I would do two things, first I will list some of the songs I love and why. The second thing is, ask everyone if they have special songs that make you feel a certain way or trigger a vivid memory. So here it goes! ( I should note that these aren't in order of my preference, I'm just getting them down as I think of them)

1. Grandpa (tell me about the good old days) - The Judds- Hearing this song brings me to tears almost instantly! I can't even really explain exactly why, I just love this song!

2.Careless Whisper - George Michael ( Seether has done an awesome cover of this one!) -When I hear this song, I have to crank it up, this one makes me feel sad! The song is about betraying trust in someone, and I think we have all done something to a friend or loved one that we've regretted, and wished we could say to the person how sorry we are.

3. Faithfully- Journey- OK I'll be honest, pretty much all Journey songs are awesome to me, but this one ...just gets me....again this one is always cranked up when on, I love this song because it so sweet, he is singing to his lover and telling her she is it. Who doesn't love a love song as epic as this?!

4. Apologize- One Republic- I feel like this song represents a few different times in my life, I've dedicated this song to soooo many different people in my head ...hahaha..now I just sound like a crazy person!

5. Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison - Wow. Whenever I hear this song, I have a very vivid memory from when I was a freshman in high school. Instantly I am 15 again, at the local roller skating rink with my two best friends and their boyfriends, as well as the boy I had the BIGGEST crush on. We had been skating for a little while when we decided to sit down for a little bit, I was sitting on one side of my crush and my friend was sitting on the other side of him, this song came on and my crush put his arm around me and started singing the song to me, I was on cloud nine! I came to find out later that this gem had his arm around me singing "return of the mack" while he had his other arm around the waist of my best friend. Nice huh?? Oh to be 15 again =]

Just to name a few of the MANY on my list. What are your songs and why? Maybe you just have one in particular, maybe you have 10! I'd love to know and have a listen! Will you share???

....Insert deep meaningful title here....

As I am sitting here thinking of something brilliant to chat about, my mind is a big fat BLANK! I'm not sure when this whole blogging thing is supposed to feel natural but it hasn't hit me yet. I do enjoy practicing though! I can't tell you how many journals I have throughout the house that I seldom use, but can't help but browse the Journals section at Barnes and Noble because they are so beautiful. I buy a new one with every intention of getting home and making a pact to write in it every day, but it never happens that way. I will write in it for about a week then everyday life gets in the way....we all know how that can be right? .......

There is one thing that keeps coming to mind the last couple of years, and that is how oblivious we are as children and even young adults as to what is going on in our families. The last couple of years has been traumatic to say the least in my family, immediate and extended. Which lead me to think about my younger days, when family 'happenings' were confined to the adults, and I wasn't affected. Now I wonder how much I actually missed.....what important things happened? Was there as many deaths and traumas then, as it seems are now? I'm sure there were and I was protected to a certain point of those things as a child, thankfully. The first memory I have of a traumatizing event was when I was 11 and my grandma died. I was lucky in the fact that for the previous year she had open conversations with me about being sick and death. I was in a sense "prepared" for her to not be with me anymore in a physical way. She talked to me about her idea of heaven and what she thought would happen to her after her body was no longer willing or able to continue on.

All of these things lead me to the questions I have, that have been unanswered for as long as I can remember, questions about what I really think lies beyond my physical life....I can start out by saying what I do believe, first that there is something out there beyond my life on Earth. Do I know what that is yet? Have I figured out what my Heaven is? The answer is always the same....No. Second I believe without a shadow of a doubt that our spirits and souls stay on Earth even after their bodies betray them for however long is necessary for them to feel they can move on. Do I believe that sometimes we as a whole are faced with things that seem impossible to overcome but somehow we do? Absolutely. Sometimes the answer we come to has to be more than will power or survival instinct right? I have no clue...sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think no.

The problems I have encountered when it comes to religion or spirituality lie within the person/people I have talked to about these things. I should start out by saying a few things about me, my beliefs and feelings:

1. I firmly believe in equal rights for all human beings, regardless of religion, race or sexual orientation, because in the end we are ALL humans.

2. I have a problem with "Sunday Morning" anythings.....I don't believe it is right for a person to spend the week being a bad person and then say they are forgiven of their sins after a few hours in church. If you want to be a good person you should try to do that everyday of the week for your whole life. Knowing that there is no perfect person it is easy to assume that people make mistakes and that is not what this is about, this is about Hippocrates.

3. Judgment. No matter what I have said about my beliefs I was and still am met with someone telling me I am wrong and will be going straight to you know where for it. This just isn't right....because at that point I feel it races past the opinion line with a home run slide into judgment.


I thought that by now I would have answered some of those questions or felt as if the answers were on the horizon, but most often I feel like they are no where to be found. In a sense I am lost, but isn't everyone from time to time?

I do know this, until those answers come to me I will continue to try and be the best person I can be, have a positive outlook on whatever comes my way and have faith that I will come to know what my heaven is going to be.

So my question to you is, where are you in your journey? What do you believe?

Toddlers and .......what?!

So I watched "Toddlers and Tiaras" on TLC the other night, and needed a couple of days to digest that absolute nastiness of that show.

I have many problems with it, and I just have to share them!!!

What the hell is wrong with people first off......I know every mom thinks their child is beautiful and/or handsome as they should, as well as instilling in your child that they should feel the same about themselves...HOWEVER making your child a ego-maniac from the gate is garbage. One mother had twins, and was completely doting on one of the girls, even saying on camera that one was prettier than the other!!!! DISGUSTING! SERIOUSLY?! .........

One mother went on and on about how her kid always won, and usually the big titles....OK we get it your kid is cute and has charisma, but what I am seeing of your "princess, angel, darling....yadda yadda" is a spoiled, entitled, little brat. Blatantly acting out and sending major cries for help, the kind of help only you as a parent can give...try this on for size: take your baby out of the pageant scene, give your child discipline, guidance and some unconditional love and see where your little human ends up. This same woman stated she spent between 65-70K YES THOUSAND on her 5 year old's pageant dresses and misc......do you realize that money could be put away for an EDUCATION?!

Now I do realize though, that there are many scholarships available through these pageants, but do you really want your child to grow up thinking that if she puts on stage make-up, spray tan and fake teeth, that she is going to get whatever she wants? Including an education? I hope these women aren't so ignorant that they don't realize how many kids out there either don't receive any education or struggle to get the most mediocre education that you could hardly call them literate. You know 65-70 thousand dollars would be a perfect amount to put into a college fund, or perhaps a scholarship for underprivileged kids??????

I've know people who have put their kids in pageants, and when their children said "I don't want to do this anymore" they took them out, unfortunately the people in this TV show don't seem to be that type.

I am sure that there is a lot of editing done on this show, as on all the others but I can't help but think these people's true colors shine through the obnoxious things that come out of their mouths regardless of editing.

The woman who had the twins, was at the pageant and the "prettier" one was a complete BRAT, the dad stepped in and said "that's enough, her attitude stinks, she's done" THANK YOU!!!!! Later on in the show the girl who wasn't as pretty( or so momma thinks) won a title and was soooo excited and even offered to giver her sister all of her balloons, the whole time saying "I won, I'm so excited" .....then they cut to a clip of just the sisters talking to the camera and the brat girl is hamming it up while the other girl was sitting there ....then the one girl says to the camera "I won today( or something along those lines) and the brat girl says " NO I won, mommy told me so"

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

As parents it is our responsibility to make sure our kids are given the tools to become decent humans, and when they get to the age where they choose the person that they are going to be, we can only hope that WE as parents have done everything in our power to make sure they become the best they can be. Our kids are so innocent to the world around them, so trusting of everyone it makes me sick to see people exploit them as if they are property. Well guess what...when your daughter becomes pregnant at 15 or 16 or gets some STD because she had the need to get validation from some punk because you made it so painfully obvious that she wasn't as pretty as her sister or wasn't as good as her sister....you have no one to blame but yourself.

I am so lucky to have the mom that I do, and I am equally lucky to be surrounded by people that are wonderful parents.

My beauty must haves!

At the moment there are several things that I can't live without when it comes to my beauty/skin routine. I am going to list them here, along with why I love them!

Are you ready??? Well....here we go!:

Skin care:

I really don't do much with this, and that is probably the biggest reason I have the issues I have, but I am going to put it down anyway, more than likely I am not the only person/woman out there that doesn't have a whole list of things to wash your face with.

I have Eczema, which makes your skin extremely dry, and sensitive to boot! So I use Dove bar soap, fragrance free dye free, it does feel like it leaves a film on my face so after washing my face I use an apricot face scrub to get that film off, and it doesn't make my face feel tight, like when you wash with something to harsh. Make sure to pat dry! This is very important for anyone but especially for dry skin. After I pat dry I use Aveeno baby lotion as a moisturizer on my face because it has been really my savior.....not to greasy as most heavy creams can be, and not so watered down feeling that it seems like it soaks up really fast, for me it has been just perfect.

That is it......really....that is it =)

Make up must haves, please know that these aren't in any particular order of how much I like the product. I am just going in the order I would when sitting down to do my make up. So here it is:

1. Smashbox Photo finish foundation primer - I love this foundation primer because first it has sunscreen (spf 15) and it leaves your face feeling like satin! I have noticed that if I don't use it, my foundation needs touch ups more often than when I do use it, which is the purpose of primers =) Now, this product isn't inexpensive but a little does go a very long way so I really feel like I get my money's worth. The one I have now is a travel size, it was I think around $16.00....HOWEVER....I've had it at least 6 months.

2. Benefit Stay don't stray concealer primer- Ok so I use this as an eyeshadow primer and not so much a concealer primer. I put this all over my eye lid and under eye area as well. I love this one because it doesn't feel "cakey" and goes on really smooth. Not to mention my eyeshadow doesn't crease after a few hours!! Benefit brand cosmetics isn't super expensive, but when you are used to only buying drug store brands it does sometimes give you sticker shock =)

3. Almay Smart Shade concealer- again love this because it has sunscreen (spf 10) it is supposed to match up to the tone of your skin/foundation and so far it has done it's job really well! This product is also one of those that a little goes a long way, which is really important for me because I, along with many others don't have the money to just be throwing away.

4. L'Oreal Infallible Never fail powder- SPF 20!!!!! Seeing a trend there??? I LOVE LOVE LOVE this stuff!!! It gives me great coverage, and doesn't make me feel like I have Spackle on my face!

5. Too Faced- Smokey Eye collection, it has three different looks in one little box!! A day time smokey eye trio, a fashion smokey eye trio and a night smokey eye trio, the day time smokey eye are browns, the fashion smokey eye is a cream, emerald green and royal blue trio and the night smokey eye trio is silver, smoke gray and black. They have great color payoff and blend extremely well! A lot of times you get eye shadows and either they are more pigmented in the little case than on your eye, or they don't blend well. The ONLY thing I can say that I don't like about these shadows is the fall-out.....the dreaded fall out......

6.Benefit- High Brow, this product is like a giant eye liner for your eyelid....you draw a thin line under your eyebrow, following the curve of your eyebrow and blend it in, and it instantly makes your eyes brighter and gives the illusion of a higher brow.

7. Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara- the one I have comes in an orange tube, but I also really love the one that comes in the purple tube. The reason I love this mascara is because it separates your lashes beautifully. I don't like them when they are brand new, only because they are very wet and tend to clump the lash slightly.....however when it is used a few times and is a little more on the dry side it is AWESOME!

8. Maybelline Eye Studio gel eyeliner- this comes in a little pot, and with a really neat little brush. I purchased the Black, and I haven't found any other colors so far, and that may be because the other colors were sold out or the stores I went to only had black, I'm not sure really. I love gel eye liners because they are easier to use (for me anyway) than the liquid eye liners, and the plus for me as well is the fact I don't have to wait for it to dry.

9. L'Oreal Voluminous mascara- this is my old school love, awesome mascara!! Gives you great length and volume......( Side note: every mascara I buy is the Blackest Black color, and I do believe L'oreal has the voluminous in Carbon black)

10. Cover Girl Wet Slicks- These are are lip glosses, the one I currently use is # 505, Guava Splash......its a really pretty pink color, and smells FANTASTIC....it is a sheer pink so its not over powering and has a little bit of a shimmer to it.

11. Benefit blush in Dallas- the bottom of the cute little box describes the color as "dusty sunset plum" ....it really is very pretty, it has a bit of a shimmer to it, so you don't want to over do it, but it gives you a little bit of a dewy look. Love the color as well, it is a gorgeous pinky plum .

Pheeewwww....that seemed really long!! There are so many products out there that are fabulous, and these were just a few of my faves. I would really like to get more colors in the gel eyeliner, as well as a few more of the Benefit blushes, they have gorgeous colors!!!

Well I think that is it for now, I will do another blog when I am able to go out and get more items!!! If you have any suggestions, or want me to try some of your faves let me know in the comments, I would love to try them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make up

Growing up my mom always wore make up, I am talking not just a little bit of mascara...but a full blown, take two hours to get ready kind of deal. This was for anything we did, be it go shopping or just go get the mail. I asked her once why it took her so long to "get ready" and why she was ALWAYS wearing make up, and she told me that when she was growing up her mom would always tell her to go get some make up on and do her hair, because you always have to put your best foot forward regardless of if you are going across town or just down the street.

I admire this quality in a person, because lets face it not many people live by that standard anymore. Take for instance a trip to the grocery store or Walmart....filled with people who do not care what they look like, people in pajamas, slippers, barefoot, hair a mess...make up smeared.....you get the point. There are other people that go to Walmart that do care and do make sure to look their best, they are the minority though.

So lets get this show on the road. Several months ago I went to a store called Sephora, a cosmetic boutique really. They had all kinds of sparkly pretty make up, all different types and colors. They had make up to make you look like you aren't wearing any make up, make up that covered things you didn't want seen....you get the idea. For the most part I have always purchased my beauty products at Walmart, Rite Aid, CVS, places of that nature, until now.

So, as I browsed the little stands with the different products and brands, I came across a brand of foundation that I had seen many tutorials and hauls on youtube, saying this was one of the BEST foundations. I decided I would go ahead and try it out, I have always been in search of the perfect foundation! One that gave excellent coverage, didn't feel like cake on my face, didn't have to be re-applied every couple of hours, etc....so I check the price......$35.00.......yeah I know CRAZY!

So after I got over the shock of the price ( which by the way, wasn't the most expensive one in the store, that would be Bare Minerals) I checked out and home I went (OK lets get real I bought a few other things as well...but we will talk about that later ).

So I get home super excited to use my $35.00 foundation!! I head to the bathroom with my goodies, and get started. Dun Dun Dun, I was soooooo not happy with the results....the reason I wanted something with "excellent" coverage is because I have the following issues with my complexion:

1. Spider veins- for those of you who don't know what those are...they are pesky little blood vessels that pop and leave a little ( although sometimes big) red dot. Fun huh?!

2. HUGE pores- nuf' said

3. Sometimes a blemish or two...or three

4. Redness- under my eyes, on my cheeks, forehead.

So with that in mind, I really wanted to find something to cover all of those issues. Now any good cosmetic boutique will tell you that you need several items along with the foundation in order for the foundation to do its job correctly. Those items are as follows:

1. Primer for your face- this is so that the foundation sticks without resting in your pores or looking like you need to re-apply

2. Primer for your eyelids - to make sure your eye shadows stays on all day without creasing, or looking like it needs a touch up.

3. Concealer - this is where you can spend some bucks as well because there are all different types of concealers. There are green concealers for redness, natural colored concealers to cover other issues, salmon colored concealers to cover blue under eye circles....SOOO many!!!

So anyway, I purchased a face primer and eye lid primer, along with the expensive foundation and it didn't cover hardly anything.....but there was no way I was going to not use it, I paid way to much to just throw it away. After using it all the time, I still don't like it, but I am going to use it until it runs out and get my moneys worth!

I went to the fair a week or so ago with Shana, and she had to put her make up on, she pulled out this compact thing and started putting her foundation on, and I loved the coverage it gave her!! The packaging had kinda worn off and she said she thought it was L'Oreal.....I looked online at the L'Oreal Paris website and found it!!!! Wooohoooo!

Drum roll please......it was L'Oreal Infallible Never Fail Powder. This powder is amazing, you can use it dry and it gives you a heavier coverage, which is what I need, and you can also use it with the sponge a little damp and it gives you more of a liquid feeling coverage. I used it last night first on my sister in law Megan, who has almost the exact skin tone as I do, it looked beautiful on her! Did I mention it is SPF 20???? Awesome!!!! Not only does it give great coverage, but it goes on silky smooth and has sunscreen!!! What more could a girl ask for? Once I use it some more I will update this and give a better review.

Another favorite of mine is Maybeline gel eye liner, it comes in a little pot, with an applicator, it doesn't look like much but let me tell you, with this product a little goes a long way! This eye liner is great if you aren't confident in using liquid eye liner, or you have a reaction to liquid eye liners like my sister in law. It gives you a liquid look but easier to manage.

I will be putting together another blog today of my other favorite products, maybe one of you will try one out and love it as much as I do!!

Super Sweet 16?....I think NOT

So after putting Jackson down for a nap I started channel surfing and stopped on MTV, Music Television?? Not so much....What happened to the day when MTV actually showed music videos?? I mean this is no new question, there are many many many people out there asking the same thing. Which brings me to question number 2.....When did only having a handful of VJs ever satisfy?? I keep seeing the same ones over and over again!! Bring back the MTV VJ search!! Bring back weird characters such as Downtown Julie Brown, or Jesse Camp.

Ok so I got a little distracted, the point of this whole thing this certain TV shows. The first being "Sweet 16" or "My Super Sweet 16" whatever it is truly called, it should be called " Super BRATS acting like jerks". These ungrateful little freaks are UNBELIEVABLE, well really not so much because seeing the parents of these creeps completely explains their behavior. It's not like the normal parent ( and by normal I mean, not loaded) doesn't want to provide things for our children, I mean seriously do I want to give my son things that I didn't have when I was growing up? Sure....do I want to make sure he doesn't have to "want"? Sure....More importantly I want him to grow up and know the meaning of having to work for things you want, I want him to know that manners and being polite work far better at getting you things than screaming that you hate your parents and slamming doors. I want my son to grow up having an appreciation for the things he does get, and have pride of ownership of those things.

I know that it will probably be a long time until he truly realizes the things his father and I have done and will do in the future to ensure that he has a good life, because it took me until having my own child to really know the struggles of my parents, and really appreciate their love.

So the reason I really started this blog is because of one episode of this super sleazy 16, one in where the princess daughter wants things that most adults never get in life, like a brand new BMW, and would NOT be happy if she received a used one...seriously?? More than likely she will mame or kill someone because she will be texting or talking on the phone while driving her "new" BMW....and as a parent WHY IN THE WORLD would you buy a 16 year old a brand new BMW?! Why would you spend that much money on a car that your entitled brat of a child can not appreciate it?

So lets set this scene up, the big "reveal" was about to happen, the brat standing there, they uncover what was going to be her new car...and ...TA DA!!! Its a huge big ugly white boat of a car...( of course I cheered on the parents and laughed my butt off) and brat girl storms off while her mom was screaming her name to come back, and can you believe the nerve of brat girl she actually said " LEAVE ME ALONE, ..F**** Off" ......wow........so she runs into this rented space where her party is going on....a friend runs in and gets her and tells her she has to come out now....SURPRISE there is the new BMW.....I wanted to vomit.

I don't want this blog to sound really nasty, because the bottom line is YES I am a little jealous of this 16 year old girl. I mean WHO wouldn't be? I want a new car, I want a huge lavish party for my birthday, I want my parents to just give me EVERYTHING I want BUT that isn't going to happen. Even after that is said, I am not unhappy with the things I do get, and have gotten. I am happy with what I CAN provide my son with, because lets face it there are so many families out there that can barely afford to feed their children.

I just hope that these kids realize how bad things can get, that maybe one day they won't get things handed to them on a silver platter, that there are people out there that don't have the same luxuries they do.......