....Insert deep meaningful title here....

As I am sitting here thinking of something brilliant to chat about, my mind is a big fat BLANK! I'm not sure when this whole blogging thing is supposed to feel natural but it hasn't hit me yet. I do enjoy practicing though! I can't tell you how many journals I have throughout the house that I seldom use, but can't help but browse the Journals section at Barnes and Noble because they are so beautiful. I buy a new one with every intention of getting home and making a pact to write in it every day, but it never happens that way. I will write in it for about a week then everyday life gets in the way....we all know how that can be right? .......

There is one thing that keeps coming to mind the last couple of years, and that is how oblivious we are as children and even young adults as to what is going on in our families. The last couple of years has been traumatic to say the least in my family, immediate and extended. Which lead me to think about my younger days, when family 'happenings' were confined to the adults, and I wasn't affected. Now I wonder how much I actually missed.....what important things happened? Was there as many deaths and traumas then, as it seems are now? I'm sure there were and I was protected to a certain point of those things as a child, thankfully. The first memory I have of a traumatizing event was when I was 11 and my grandma died. I was lucky in the fact that for the previous year she had open conversations with me about being sick and death. I was in a sense "prepared" for her to not be with me anymore in a physical way. She talked to me about her idea of heaven and what she thought would happen to her after her body was no longer willing or able to continue on.

All of these things lead me to the questions I have, that have been unanswered for as long as I can remember, questions about what I really think lies beyond my physical life....I can start out by saying what I do believe, first that there is something out there beyond my life on Earth. Do I know what that is yet? Have I figured out what my Heaven is? The answer is always the same....No. Second I believe without a shadow of a doubt that our spirits and souls stay on Earth even after their bodies betray them for however long is necessary for them to feel they can move on. Do I believe that sometimes we as a whole are faced with things that seem impossible to overcome but somehow we do? Absolutely. Sometimes the answer we come to has to be more than will power or survival instinct right? I have no clue...sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think no.

The problems I have encountered when it comes to religion or spirituality lie within the person/people I have talked to about these things. I should start out by saying a few things about me, my beliefs and feelings:

1. I firmly believe in equal rights for all human beings, regardless of religion, race or sexual orientation, because in the end we are ALL humans.

2. I have a problem with "Sunday Morning" anythings.....I don't believe it is right for a person to spend the week being a bad person and then say they are forgiven of their sins after a few hours in church. If you want to be a good person you should try to do that everyday of the week for your whole life. Knowing that there is no perfect person it is easy to assume that people make mistakes and that is not what this is about, this is about Hippocrates.

3. Judgment. No matter what I have said about my beliefs I was and still am met with someone telling me I am wrong and will be going straight to you know where for it. This just isn't right....because at that point I feel it races past the opinion line with a home run slide into judgment.


I thought that by now I would have answered some of those questions or felt as if the answers were on the horizon, but most often I feel like they are no where to be found. In a sense I am lost, but isn't everyone from time to time?

I do know this, until those answers come to me I will continue to try and be the best person I can be, have a positive outlook on whatever comes my way and have faith that I will come to know what my heaven is going to be.

So my question to you is, where are you in your journey? What do you believe?